Healing America’s Narratives: I Am Going To Die

[Part of a series, this essay explores a subheading from Chapter Eleven of Healing America’s Narratives: The Feminine, the Masculine, & Our Collective National Shadow. Now available.]

Photo ©by Philippa Rose-Tite on Unsplash

We’re returning to Chapter Eleven of Healing America’s Narratives after our departures in the previous two posts — the inevitability of the current state of the country and the apparent belief, shared by both Democratic and Republican leadership, that they need never-ending millions of advertising dollars in order to win elections and defeat each other (for the good of the country).

“I am going to die” is the fifth of six statements and questions that frame Chapter Eleven, which explores some approaches to manifesting the book’s title — Healing America’s Narratives. The statement is ‘simply’ an acknowledgment of what is — what’s true — that given enough time, we all die. No one knows how, when, or where, but with each breath we take, we get closer to our final breath.

Our responses to the some of the earlier questions and statements from Chapter Eleven inform how we might respond to this acknowledgment of our mortality. If who we think we are is simply an assembly of flesh, bone, instinct, thought, and mood — nothing but separate animated objects with a few shared traits and some noticeable differences — then the horrors of the histories of womenNative AmericansAfrican Americans, the Vietnam War, the post-9/11 war on terror, and other significant histories, while still horrific, make sense in an ignorant, arrogant, fearful, bigoted, violent kind of way.

If, however, we all share an origin, a common ancestry — whether through a religious or a scientific story — and if we each have a unique ecological niche — our ultimate place in the world, our Soul, expressed through mythopoetic identity as a one-time-only manifestation of Spirit, All That Is, God, Source, Ground of Being — then it becomes a tad more difficult — it makes no sense at all — to proclaim the supremacy of any race, to declare you’re either with us or you’re with the enemy, or to in any way dehumanize others. The stories we choose about who we are, really, make a difference.

Each of us has our own dying and death stories. If we’re lucky we get to bury our parents and older siblings, our grandparents, aunts and uncles, and others from the generations that precede us. Some of these deaths, while sad, are expected and feel natural; sometimes they are unexpected and feel tragic. What is the story each of us tells, what is the story that you choose to tell, about the inevitability of death? As Mary Catherine Bateson told us, “The choice you make affects what you can do next.”¹

The late surgeon and author, Sherwin Nuland, wrote that death results “all too frequently [from] a series of destructive events that involve…the disintegration of the dying person’s humanity,” and that he had not “seen much dignity in the process by which we die.” Nuland, however, complemented his surgeon’s intimacy with the sterility, knowledge, precision, life, and death of the operating room with his philosopher’s view and his poet’s heart. “The greatest dignity to be found in death is the dignity of the life that preceded it,” he told us.²

If you want a dignified death, your best bet is to live a dignified life. If you want a dignified country, your best bet is live, and help others live, a dignified life by coming to terms with things as they are, being the change you want to see in the world, and at the very least, doing more good than harm through your words and actions.

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  1. Mary Catherine Bateson, “Composing a Life,” Sacred Stories: A Celebration of the Power of Stories to Transform and Heal. Eds. Charles & Anne Simpkinson, (HarperSanFrancisco, 1993), 42–43.
  2. Sherwin B. Nuland, How We Die, (Knopf, 1993), “all too frequently…,” xvii; “The greatest dignity…,” 242.

Healing

America

Narrative

Healing America’s Narratives: What Am I Not Seeing?

Part of a series, this essay explores a subheading from Chapter Eleven of Healing America’s Narratives: The Feminine, the Masculine, & Our Collective National Shadow. Now available.

In our previous three inquiries into subheaders from Chapter Eleven, “So, Now What?” we explored identitystory, and impact. Here we’ll consider what any one of us — or millions of us — might be missing with regard to our own lives and/or our country. “Shadow,” as it’s referred to throughout the book, is one reason, among others, an individual or a collective might not be seeing something.

There are various ways to work with Shadow.¹ One hint that an element of Shadow may be clamoring for our attention is if we notice a disproportionate emotional response to someone or something — especially if that response recurs. So, a recurrent, disproportionate, emotional response to someone or something we experience as being angry or lacking in compassion may be inviting us to explore our own anger or lack of compassion. Likewise, if we have such a response to someone or something we experience as exceptionally creative, generous, or successful, we may want to explore our own as-yet disowned creativity, generosity, or success.

Whether what we’re not seeing is considered positive or negative, recognizing, owning, and integrating it into our sense of self leads to a more integrated, “wholer,” fully human being.

Questions such as these may begin to uncover what might be repressed, denied, and projected:

1. What is it about this situation, person, event, issue, idea, emotion, or dream, such that I respond as I do?

2. What is it about me, such that I respond to this situation, person, event, issue, idea, emotion, or dream as I do?

3. To what extent do my reactions or responses feel disproportionate?

4. What might I be projecting onto this situation, person, event, issue, idea, emotion, or dream that I need to explore in myself?

The first question engages through an external locus of control. It helps begin to identify the source of the disproportionate response by looking toward something out there. Getting clearer about what that something is moves us closer to identifying Shadow — what we don’t yet see or know about ourselves.

The second question engages through an internal locus of control and is more challenging. It implicates us. What is it about me such that I respond as I do? Ooh, is my discomfort with his ease in expressing anger related to my unowned anger? Is my admiration for her success in the art world the result of my own as-yet-unrealized creative potential? What is it, exactly, that brings up my disproportionate response? Now, I’m curious. Repressing and projecting parts of ourselves requires energy. Owning and integrating what we repress and project frees up our energy for other aspects of life.

The third question invites us to authentically consider the extent to which our response is disproportionate to the reality of the situation, person, or thing. Honest, challenging, trusted friends may be helpful here.

The fourth question explores the quality, emotion, trait, or characteristic that may be repressed, denied, and projected. Sometimes we recognize it immediately, and perhaps experience a mix of relief, guilt, or simply, oh, THAT! Sometimes it may be slower to emerge — harder to see and even harder to own and integrate. Oh. That. Me? Lacking compassion? Nah. No way. For that one particular colleague/friend/sibling…? Um, perhaps, yes.

Working with Shadow can be discomfiting. Be kind to yourself.

  1. Among many, see Bill Plotkin’s Wild Mind (207–34) and Soulcraft (267–80); and Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams, eds. Meeting the Shadow (65 essays from a variety of authors).

Declaration of Interdependence – July 4, 2015 – Signatories Wanted

When in the course of Universal events, it becomes necessary for One People to transcend, while still honoring, the healthiest aspects of the political, ethnic, religious, gender, cultural, racial, sexual orientation, national, age, health, height, weight and any and all other differences that seem to separate them in the manifest realm, and to assume among the powers of the Universe, the unified and equal origins of all that is, an integrated respect for all sentient beings requires that We declare the causes that impel Us to the recognition of Our Inherent Oneness.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all beings emerge from the same Mysterious Origin, that they are inherently One with that Origin (since they could not have come from anywhere else, at least that We know of so far), and that the humans (and others) among these beings are, again inherently, blessed with a yearning for and an ability to thrive within the apparently paradoxical juxtapositions among connection, autonomy, mercy, interdependence, grace, responsibility, safety, risk, purpose, justice, change, stability, kindness, gravity, effort, rest, story, compassion, achievement, and Love. Oh, and by the way, the greatest of these is Love, and essentially no different from the Mysterious Origin.

We further hold that today We honor our ancestors’ and Our own historical sacrifices and movements through individual, tribal, national and international attempts to provide and guarantee these blessings, and We recognize the dignities and disasters perpetrated by each of these movements, and We further commit to remembering the first two paragraphs above, and more importantly, to using any means that does no harm to ensure that such recognition manifests moment-to-moment in Our behavior.

At every stage and in every nature of Our perceived separateness and difference, the best and wisest among Us have petitioned Us to see what We could not yet see, and to do what We were unable to do at the moment of their petitioning, and We now offer a deep bow of gratitude for the ability to step back and take perspectives unavailable to many long ago, and to see the painfully slow, albeit inevitable, progress that these best and brightest in every generation pointed to and petitioned Us to see and act upon.

We further recognize and embrace the bittersweet reality that whatever Good We now bring to this manifest world, at this time, in Our best years and worst moments, is no final arrival – no destination point, but simply another step in Our return to remembering Our Inherent Oneness, a step, which if those who come after Us are paying attention, they will not have to take themselves.

We, therefore, the Representatives of Mysterious Origin, the seemingly separate manifestations of Inherent Oneness, joyfully publish and declare that We are free and interdependent; grateful to and absolved from any and all allegiance to any unhealthy and unreal separations imposed upon us by occasionally well-intentioned, and often useful and necessary individuals and organizations that served an appropriate purpose during their specific historical emergence, and whose time or usefulness has now passed, whether they can see this themselves or not.

We further commit ourselves to act with the highest compassion towards those of Us whose conditioning or fear prevent a full embrace of Our Common Origin in this moment, and in so doing, remember Our own fear, and respond with and in Love, as We would want to be responded to Ourselves.

In support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on Our Common (and still Mysterious) Origin, We collectively pledge to Ourselves, each other and All That Is, to engage the work, play and practice required to live this Precious Human Life in Love in this and every moment.

Grief and Healing

Some months ago I was asked to write a “healing narrative” as part of a larger project with some Integral Coaching® colleagues. Through our work together, which is ongoing, I came to see that I have negotiated, and continue to negotiate, grief and healing in my life through 5 practices or modalities – writing, meditation, physical exercise, being/wandering in nature, and relationship/conversation.

More recently, I was invited by Dr. Robert Wright, Jr. and Christine Wright to explore grief and healing in an interview as part of their ongoing series for Stress Free Now.

The interview is just under 33 minutes, downloadable, and accessible by clicking here.

In upcoming blogs, I will explore each of the 5 healing modalities individually.

Thanks for staying tuned.

“Stress Free Now” Interview

My interview with Dr. Robert Wright, Jr. and Christine Wright, founders of Stress Free Now, began with a focus on Integral Coaching® and Healing, and took us in a variety of wonderful directions.

Over the course of our time together, we explored a brief overview of a comprehensive, balanced (integral) approach to coaching, and to living a full life,and touched on self-awareness, self-compassion, “why ‘integral’?” and even what might bring folks to a bar to watch the Super Bowl or World Cup together.

Click here to listen, or cut and paste into your browser: http://stressfreenow.podomatic.com/entry/2014-07-21T17_35_29-07_00

Interview is under 23 minutes.

Enjoy!

Transformation, Poetry and Integral Coaching®

How might Integral Coaching® and poetry, respectively and collaboratively, facilitate true transformation, you ask?

Lindsay Kelkres and I explore these questions and others in her show, Art Actions: Featuring Newtown Art and Artists, which aired in June on CTV 21 in Connecticut. Thanks to Lindsay and the folks at CTV 21 for sharing the show with a larger audience now.

See the bullets below the screen for some of the areas we explore.

A deep bow of gratitude to Lindsay, who asked me wonderfully open-ended questions and allowed me to reflect, riff, respond and rant in an open-ended way, and who captures the essence of our conversation through her skillful editing – no small task.

If you like where we go in this exchange, please like and comment on the show on Lindsay’s Facebook page, on YouTube, and on this page as well.

Here’s a taste of some of the areas we explored:

  • The respective benefits of reading and writing poetry
  • What is a poem? (yikes)
  • How poetry differs from other forms of writing
  • Why bother writing poetry
  • When is a poem finished (how I “know”)
  • Common obstacles to learning to write poetry
  • How poetry helps us learn about ourselves
  • How other poets and poems affect and inspire
  • Inspiration: when, where and how it may come
  • What is Integral Coaching®
  • Why Integral Coaching® and why ICC
  • How Integral Coaching® helps people
  • How certainty and fear inhibit development
  • Does all art lead to self-transformation
  • One life skill for everyone in the world???? 34:50 (YIKES!)
  • Are we all artists?
  • Two poems for you…

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Integral Coaching® and Integral Master Coach™ are registered trade-marks in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Reggie Marra.

Talking About Transformation

How can Integral Coaching® and poetry, respectively, facilitate true transformation, you ask? Tune in to CTV 21 on June 11 and 18 at 7PM and June 14 and 21 at 2PM and see how (well) I respond to those questions. The one-hour show is part of the series, “Art Actions: Featuring Newtown Art and Artists,” produced by Lindsay Kelkres.

The show is available to CTV 21 viewers in Bethlehem, Bridgewater, Brookfield, Kent, Monroe, New Fairfield, New Milford, Newtown, Roxbury, Sherman, Southbury, Trumbull, Washington and Woodbury, CT. Once the June 21 broadcast has aired, the interview will be available to a wider audience on YouTube. I will post it here.

I’ve not seen the final version that will air, but Lindsay did great research prior to our interview, and asked wonderfully insightful questions during our two hours together.

Stay tuned for more on this as it unfolds.

Integral Coaching® and Integral Master Coach™ are registered trade-marks in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Reggie Marra.