Healing America’s Narratives: Fear of the Feminine & the Subjugation of Women

[Part of a series, this essay is adapted from Chapter Three of Healing America’s Narratives: the Feminine, the Masculine, & Our Collective National Shadow (October 2022)]

Photo © by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

True for a boy as well, a girl born in 1774, 1862, 1917, 1963, 1971, 2001, 2017, 2022,* or any other year received cultural givens and expectations that were unique to the time, place, and familial, ethnic, racial, and financial circumstances of her birth and childhood. That she was born a biological female provided an additional given that would impact what was expected of and available to her.

While an investigation of any aspect of our collective national Shadow discloses disturbing manifestations of what we refuse to see in ourselves, the fear of the feminine and the subjugation of women are both disturbing manifestations and foundational elements of America’s Shadow. More to the point, it is the persistent absence of the qualities of the healthy feminine, further undermined by the relentless presence of the qualities of the unhealthy masculine, that encourages and amplifies and may very well be the primary cause of America’s collective Shadow. Specifying “healthy” and “unhealthy” above is essential to this argument.

The feminine, as used here, tends more toward a concern with care, embrace, collaboration, mercy, and compassion, among other traits; the masculine tends more toward a focus on rights, independence, individualism, justice, and wisdom. While this not an exhaustive list, notice that each tendency, whether it’s considered feminine or masculine, can be beneficial in its healthy manifestation and that all of them are descriptive, not prescriptive: we can observe them, but we’re not suggesting that any woman or man is “supposed to” embody the respective feminine or masculine tendencies in a certain way.

While the historical subjugation of women is visible to any honest person who is willing to look, the fear of the feminine manifests in less obvious ways. This essay posits that those men who primarily manifest unhealthy versions of masculine traits like rights, independence, individualism, justice and wisdom — which historically have resulted in dominance over, violence against, and subjugation of women and others — often fear healthy feminine traits like relationship, care, mercy, and compassion as emasculating rather than integrating. More specifically, cisgender, heterosexual males who historically have been conditioned to “be men” (i.e. stereotypically unhealthy masculine) experience both a strong attraction to the power of the feminine in women and a fear-of-emasculation-based aversion to the feminine in themselves. They mistake healthy feminine-masculine integration as emasculation, which terrifies them, so they subjugate what they fear.

The white, British, Christian, male founders and earliest leaders of the United States were captives of their cultural givens (as we all are of our own). Their Bill of Rights did not explicitly demonstrate any care about or for women; their Declaration of Independence did not embrace women; their proclamations of freedom and justice for all included no mercy for women, and the significant wisdom inherent in the Constitution they framed lacked compassion for women. These statements are true as well for the Africans they kidnapped, brought here, and enslaved, for their enslaved descendants, and for the native peoples whom they betrayed, expelled, and slaughtered.

And, yes, it’s easy to look from the third decade of the twenty-first century with the benefit of much of what these founders gave us and invited us to subsequently discover and amend, and point out where we think they came up short. They had the benefit of neither the documents they created nor the learnings from subsequent fits and starts of implementing those documents, as we do, in our 246 years of history. Their documents remain remarkable; their human shortcomings were real. Both are true. We have progressed in our movement toward equality for women; we still have a long way to go. Both are true.

*Selected (among many) years that directly or indirectly impacted the lives of girls and women:

  • 1774: two years before the nation’s ‘birth’;
  • 1862: the Emancipation Proclamations & three years before the Thirteenth Amendment freed enslaved women (and men);
  • 1917: three years before the Nineteenth Amendment would give women the right to vote;
  • 1963: two years before the Voting Rights Act would begin to enforce the Nineteenth Amendment, especially in the former slave states;
  • 1971: a year before Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 would make it illegal to discriminate based on sex in any educational or federally funded program;
  • 2001: the September 11 attacks impacted the direction of the country for women, girls, men, and boys;
  • 2017: a record number of women decide to run for Congress, and most of them win in 2018, many in response to the behavior of the U.S. president;
  • 2022: Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York continues her efforts, begun in 2013, to change the way sexual assault cases in the U.S. military are adjudicated.

“Enough with the…Talking Points” Chapter One: Who (You Think) You Are – The Culture Thing

In this interview, Reggie and Kent explore the role of “cultural givens” in how we engage in conversation.

“Enough with the…Talking Points: Doing More Good than Harm in Conversation” Chapter 1 – Kent Frazier interviews Reggie Marra.

Click on the book for a direct link to Amazon.
Front Cover

Fillet of Soul With a Dark Night Glaze

This video, from Wainwright House in Rye, NY, is a recent presentation of the poem, preceded by about 4 minutes of the story behind the poem.

If you’d like to read the poem on the page, the best way (for both of us) is for you to purchase a copy of And Now, Still: Grave and Goofy Poemswhich is available on Amazon, and also available here, at a 30% discount if you use this code when you check out: ADXSKKVR.

Buy the book and you’ll get 44 additional poems and help feed me. Great deal!

Enjoy!

 

If, of course, you’d like to read the poem without supporting the arts by buying a book that helps feed a poet, you can click on the right sidebar photo of me dressed in black and talking with my hands. A PDF will appear. And I’ll still need to be fed.

Grief and Healing

Some months ago I was asked to write a “healing narrative” as part of a larger project with some Integral Coaching® colleagues. Through our work together, which is ongoing, I came to see that I have negotiated, and continue to negotiate, grief and healing in my life through 5 practices or modalities – writing, meditation, physical exercise, being/wandering in nature, and relationship/conversation.

More recently, I was invited by Dr. Robert Wright, Jr. and Christine Wright to explore grief and healing in an interview as part of their ongoing series for Stress Free Now.

The interview is just under 33 minutes, downloadable, and accessible by clicking here.

In upcoming blogs, I will explore each of the 5 healing modalities individually.

Thanks for staying tuned.

“Stress Free Now” Interview

My interview with Dr. Robert Wright, Jr. and Christine Wright, founders of Stress Free Now, began with a focus on Integral Coaching® and Healing, and took us in a variety of wonderful directions.

Over the course of our time together, we explored a brief overview of a comprehensive, balanced (integral) approach to coaching, and to living a full life,and touched on self-awareness, self-compassion, “why ‘integral’?” and even what might bring folks to a bar to watch the Super Bowl or World Cup together.

Click here to listen, or cut and paste into your browser: http://stressfreenow.podomatic.com/entry/2014-07-21T17_35_29-07_00

Interview is under 23 minutes.

Enjoy!

Transformation, Poetry and Integral Coaching®

How might Integral Coaching® and poetry, respectively and collaboratively, facilitate true transformation, you ask?

Lindsay Kelkres and I explore these questions and others in her show, Art Actions: Featuring Newtown Art and Artists, which aired in June on CTV 21 in Connecticut. Thanks to Lindsay and the folks at CTV 21 for sharing the show with a larger audience now.

See the bullets below the screen for some of the areas we explore.

A deep bow of gratitude to Lindsay, who asked me wonderfully open-ended questions and allowed me to reflect, riff, respond and rant in an open-ended way, and who captures the essence of our conversation through her skillful editing – no small task.

If you like where we go in this exchange, please like and comment on the show on Lindsay’s Facebook page, on YouTube, and on this page as well.

Here’s a taste of some of the areas we explored:

  • The respective benefits of reading and writing poetry
  • What is a poem? (yikes)
  • How poetry differs from other forms of writing
  • Why bother writing poetry
  • When is a poem finished (how I “know”)
  • Common obstacles to learning to write poetry
  • How poetry helps us learn about ourselves
  • How other poets and poems affect and inspire
  • Inspiration: when, where and how it may come
  • What is Integral Coaching®
  • Why Integral Coaching® and why ICC
  • How Integral Coaching® helps people
  • How certainty and fear inhibit development
  • Does all art lead to self-transformation
  • One life skill for everyone in the world???? 34:50 (YIKES!)
  • Are we all artists?
  • Two poems for you…

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Integral Coaching® and Integral Master Coach™ are registered trade-marks in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Reggie Marra.